Volume 18 - Number 1 - June 2011
Pages: 1 - 121
Ferraro, T. (2011). The psychodynamics of the family romance revisited [Letter to the Editor]. Clio’s Psyche, 18(1), 117-118.
The Psychodynamics of the Family Romance Revisited
Abstract
This letter to the editor reports on the Psychohistory Forum meeting of January 29, 2011, on the American family, and thanks the Forum and Ken Fuchsman of the University of Connecticut, who presented findings from his interdisciplinary course on marriage and family life. The author organizes the meeting around three points: the disappearance of the traditional family, the dominance of individualism at the family’s expense, and the professionalization of parenthood. He reports that epidemiological data presented at the meeting suggest that only 20 percent of American families now have a working father and a stay-at-home mother, and that rising divorce rates leave the self less defined by the family. He describes overscheduled, burnt-out children, attributes rising narcissism and drug use to the pressures of self-definition, and, citing Christopher Lasch’s The Culture of Narcissism, contends that the holding-environment function has passed from parents to professionals, media, and organized activities. He reports that the group divided over whether to be alarmed or to celebrate. He proposes that consumer culture and social networks such as Facebook are becoming new holding environments, and he closes by expressing concern that children still need role models and attention, and that quiet and playfulness are missing.
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Dear Editor,
I came away from our January 29, 2011 Psychohistory Forum meeting wanting to express my appreciation to the Forum and Ken Fuchsman of the University of Connecticut. He was generous enough to share the findings that have accrued from teaching his interdisciplinary marriage and family life course. Three essential points that stayed with me are the disappearance of the traditional family, the dominance of individualism at the expense of the family, and the professionalization of parenthood.
The Fall of the Family: A large amount of epidemiological data was presented that suggests that the traditional American family with a father working, a mother staying at home, and kids being cared for by them is fading away. Specifically, only 20% of families now have a father at work and a mother at home. As divorce rates rise, the intact family unit is only a distant memory. Much data now exists to suggest that there are numerous consequences for the children. The most overarching and broadest way to see this is that the self is much less defined by the family.
The Rise of Individualism: As identification with the family evaporates, individualism has taken its place. Children are now tattooed, treated as trophies, and triumphant. Narcissism is rampant, as is an exhausted state where kids are overscheduled and burnt out in an effort to establish status, identity, and esteem. As the family shrinks there is no longer a place to go home to in order to rest and refuel. It was stated in the seminar that if the child does not take the pathway of competitiveness, they may and often do turn to drugs to cope with their despair. The self is now challenged with the task of self-definition, and it appears that is a difficult if not ex-
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hausting task.
The Professionalization of Parenthood: As Christopher Lasch predicted in 1976 (The Culture of Narcissism), the role of the parent is now fully professionalized and taken over by psychologists, after school coaches, and yoga instructors. The traditional family function as a good enough holding environment is now being performed by various external processes including television, magazines, social networks, electronics, sport teams, and many other organized after school activities. And though these processes often function well, the individual care of a child by a parent who can be a role model, disciplinarian, and source of solace and guidance is now dramatically missing.
Conclusions: The group was divided as to whether there was cause for alarm or celebration. It was agreed that our capitalistic culture rapidly adapts to any crisis by offering answers to culture-wide needs. Starbucks gives our overworked society its energy needs and Bikram Yoga gives us our time to quiet down—all for a nominal fee. As the information age exploded 50 years ago, the fitness movement developed to allow us to stay connected to our bodies and not just our information-filled heads. This may be what is occurring now. As the parents leave their family roles behind to seek fame, fortune, and fun away from the home, the culture at large is posed to service the needs of the children. The massive popularity of Facebook is merely one of many examples of the new holding environments—the new families—that watch over the children.
This symposium was a thrilling and comprehensive look at the current state of the American family and how the culture at large is attempting to deal with it. It was such a joy to be able to listen and speak with my colleagues about this matter. The obvious point is that our children have been largely destabilized and are in many ways suffering. It is said that they are the psychological national deficit that we must somehow pay back. They are destabilized and disrupted due to divorce and moving from place to place. But they still need role models, rules, and attention to their needs and fears. If mom and dad won’t do it, then someone else must. This is our “Brave New World,” greatly organized and made for profit. As someone pointed out towards the end of the session, the thing that seems to be lacking in all this is some quietness, some peacefulness, and some playfulness. This may be because little profit is likely to be found in the silence.
Sincerely yours,
Tom Ferraro
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How to cite this article
Ferraro, T. (2011). The psychodynamics of the family romance revisited [Letter to the Editor]. Clio’s Psyche, 18(1), 117-118.
