Volume 15 - Number 4 - March 2009
Pages: 179 - 285
Grahlfs, F. L. (2009). A father remembers [Letter to the Editor]. Clio’s Psyche, 15(4), 283-285.
A Father Remembers
Abstract
In this letter to the editor, the author responds appreciatively to the journal’s issue on death and dying, and in particular to Marilyn Charles’s remark on the difficulty of answering the question of how many children one has. He recounts the death of his adult daughter nearly thirteen years earlier and the awkwardness he still feels when asked that question. He attributes health problems in his family to his participation in salvage operations during the 1946 atomic bomb tests at Bikini, and reports that he and his daughter worked together for recognition of radiation victims and for nuclear disarmament. He describes being in Washington, DC, testifying at a Department of Energy hearing on the consequences of participation in nuclear weapons tests when she died, having gone at her urging. He remembers her work with developmentally handicapped people and says she remains in his thoughts.
death and dying, father-daughter relationship, grief, letter to the editor, loss, Marilyn Charles, psychohistory
Dear Editor,
I would like to offer my compliments for the wonderfully sen-
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sitive and informative issue on death and dying. In particular, Marilyn Charles’ comment about the difficulty of responding to the question, “How many children do you have?” resonated with me. My daughter has been gone for almost thirteen years and I still find myself answering that question rather clumsily, with something like, “I have four sons and I used to have a daughter but we lost her a while back.”
Patricia was born in 1949. All through her teen years she had difficulty with her endocrine system, and by the age of 20 she was hypoglycemic and it was discovered that she had a tumor on her pancreas, requiring surgical removal of half of that organ. She married and had a son and a daughter. Her daughter was born with a deformed foot; thanks to the work of a skillful orthopedic surgeon, few people are aware that my granddaughter was born handicapped.
When her children were in high school, serious difficulties between her and her husband caused Pat to move out, revert to her maiden name and establish an independent household. She and I were both completely convinced that both her medical problems and those of her daughter were a consequence of my having participated in salvage operations in the Atomic Bomb tests at Bikini in 1946, and after she left her husband we cooperated in efforts both toward trying to get recognition for radiation victims and toward nuclear disarmament.In 1992 or 1993 Pat was stricken with a malignant brain tumor. The tumor was successfully removed, but in 1995 we learned that she had lung cancer. It is not clear to me which cancer was primary and which was secondary.
When Pat passed away, in a Florida hospice on February 27, 1996, I was in Washington, DC, testifying about my experience and my research about the consequences of participating in nuclear weapons experiments, at a hearing sponsored by the Department of Energy. The invitation to testify had come just when family members were making plans to be with her in her “final hours.” Pat’s words to me were, “Go, Dad; what you have to say is too important.”
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Because of her own directive to me, I was not with my daughter in her final moments, but there is hardly a day, all these years later, that she is not in my thoughts. She worked with developmentally handicapped people and I was always amazed at the wonderful rapport she had with them. With her death a great talent was lost.
Sincerely,
F. Lincoln Grahfls, PhD
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How to cite this article
Grahlfs, F. L. (2009). A father remembers [Letter to the Editor]. Clio’s Psyche, 15(4), 283-285.
