Personal Reflections on Living in the Altered State of COVID-19

We are living in a surreal time. Thinking feels compromised by our fears. The structure we had in the past no longer exists. Boundaries have changed, restrictions are imposed, and our freedom has been challenged. Family dynamics have changed too. Now it is difficult to not only live alone but also difficult to live with others. It limits our capacity to hold, touch, and sometimes see the other person. It’s hard not to lose our temper and to have patience. The comfort and security of touching have a new meaning. People living together have a new way of living. The couples have to share more space and time than they did before. As both are working at home, they have to negotiate their environment, not only for work but to spend time and space together. Each member of a couple assumes a different role and has different ways to organize themselves. One can be in denial or need distance; the other is the worried one who uses Lysol all the time. On the positive side of living in strict closed conditions, couples can learn to negotiate being together. They will see the opportunity of spending good times that they did not have before due to their jobs or other responsibilities.

If families have children, of any age, staying at home, that creates a new set of ways to interact. Children are doing classes

Page 97

online and they are bored. Then they watch TV or use the computer more than ever before. This leads the parents to be more flexible about it and break the old rules, changing their interactions.

Domestic violence and child abuse are becoming more prevalent and are at their worst in these times of confinement. Adults feel trapped. Fathers and mothers lose their jobs, and there is not enough money to feed their children. Going to a grocery store is challenging and at times dangerous. They have to use all precautions. They fear for the older generation (parents’ and grandparents’ lives and well-being). Anxiety and fear are rampant and can be out of control, leading to violent behavior.

Computer technology can help us connect to others in different cities and parts of the world so that we can have a family or friend reunion online. The Internet allows us to listen and see movies, concerts, and operas that we missed. Or we can virtually visit a museum with a curator leading us. Dating online is blooming because people who live alone can feel very lonely.

One interesting thing is that we are trying to adjust to the new reality of social distancing, video/teletherapy, and compulsive handwashing. Our diagnostic concept of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), particularly in regards to cleaning and washing hands, has changed too. Now, this is the new “normal,” not pathological.

In terms of my clinical work, first I needed to find a suitable place in my home to serve as my office. Some of my patients wanted privacy to speak to me, which they were unable to find at home. Two women spoke from their car, one from her bathroom, and another from her garden when the weather was nice. We can acknowledge that we suffer anxieties similar to those of our patients: unpredictability, confinement, isolation, and loneliness. But we try to find strength in words, music, and companionship, to help them and ourselves. We try to accommodate to this new normal.

Over the first two weeks of the quarantine, patients began sessions by asking me how I was doing. I acknowledged my own anxiety to them and then talked about making whatever meaning we could both give to this situation. I shared some of the things I was doing to keep me “sane.”

For some patients, spending time talking to me through telehealth seemed to leave them feeling more settled. With some pa-

Page 98

tients, the sessions appeared more superficial at the beginning. After the third week, we started back to deep work. I suspect they and I had to get accustomed to this new modality of communicating. For a few, this trauma reactivated old wounds. For others, this traumatic event is a way to see and remember all the “goodies” they had and did not appreciate when they had them. Only a few of my patients (mostly new ones) decided to stop temporarily since they were not comfortable doing therapy this way.

This lack of predictability, the anxiety of the virus and about the economy, the psychological consequences of living in an enclosed environment with a loss of a sense of the future, and feeling trapped, can lead to trauma. The idea of our fragility becomes more alive through the loss of another.

As a positive side to this experience, the reality of death cannot be overlooked and that grants life value. Applauding behind windows for the health workers at 7:00 pm in New York City helps us feel together. Watching orchestras playing in their own homes and getting together to play a piece to share gives us courage and hope for the human race. We have to be creative to soothe ourselves, our loved ones, and our patients.

Page 99