Children’s Perceptions of Aging

“How old are you?” is the question I am most often asked by children at the elementary school author tour programs I have been giving since I began writing and illustrating books for young readers over 35 years ago.

I am asked other questions, too, such as how do I get my ideas, which I am happy to answer because the purpose of my tours is to encourage children to write and illustrate their own books. It is one of the two best ways I know to instill children with a love of books and reading. The second way is for children to be read to by their parents and caretakers at bedtime.

The first time I was asked how old I was at a school program I was taken aback. Like any adult over the age of 55, I immediately thought of the old people I knew as a child and how bothered I was by their aging skin and bad breath. But that is not a true image today. People are living longer, they are taking better care of their health and appearance, and many of them after retirement have moved on to second careers. I wondered what the child had in mind when asking that question because I did not feel that I fit the image I had from my own childhood recollections. I hedged the question by saying, “I’m as old as Clint Eastwood and he told me never to tell anyone how old I am or he would come and get me because he doesn’t want anyone to know how old he is. So I have to keep our age a secret or else.”

That was not the end of it. The question continued to be asked program after program. Children were being “shushed” or removed from the auditorium for asking what their teachers considered to be a “rude question.” I decided to explore the question with each child who asked it and make it an important part of my program.

It is curious to me that adults inflict on children a question they themselves consider “rude” to ask an adult. It is the first question an adult usually asks when seeing a child. “How old are you?” they ask as easily as saying “how do you do?” Surely, this is very confusing to a child. Do they think the adult is being rude?

Therefore, my take on the question is that it is a way for the child asking it to make contact with the visiting author at their school. With that in mind, I explore the question with the child who asks it. I ask why their question is important to them. Once I get beyond the “I don’t know” reply to my query, I get to the truth. Usually, I find out that the child is anxious about school being too hard when along comes a man who has written and illustrated many books and makes it sound as easy as slicing a piece of cake. By knowing my age, the child figures he/she has plenty of time before learning how to write and illustrate stories. When I found that out, I dropped the “Clint Eastwood” answer. My answer now, which seems to satisfy the child who asks the question, is, “If you are asking me how old I was when I began writing and illustrating books, I was the same age you are now and I never stopped. I read lots of books, learned grammar, and practiced and practiced ways to improve my writing and my drawing. I had fun doing it. Then I went on to college and did the same thing. After college, my first book was published.” Practice and fun are two words every child knows. They feel understood by my answer, and go on to tell me where they are with their own book projects.

From this experience, I learned that children’s perception of aging is not what we adults commonly think. I observed that this is also true when working with children in my second career as a psychoanalyst. A child’s perception of aging is influenced by many things, especially the age of the child and the kind of experiences (history) the child has had with aging, whether it is with parents, grandparents, teachers, therapists, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, or their pets. Children’s perception of aging can also be based on the stereotyped characterizations of aging they see in sitcoms and cartoons on television.

In my experiences as a therapist, the transference a child of any age has toward the caretakers in his/her life determines a child’s perception of aging. The strongest influence on their perception comes

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from their caretaker’s attitudes toward aging. Cultural traditions also have bearing on a child’s perceptions of aging. The Chinese have the tradition of respecting the old. Grown children have the duty of looking after their parents. On the other hand, nomadic tribes on the move leave their old behind because they would slow them down. However, even cultural traditions are changing now that older people are living longer, are healthier, and leading more active lives.

Aging today, like race and gender, is an important social issue. To think of aging in a negative way is bias and a destructive process. For children to gain healthy perceptions of aging, their caretakers must be in touch with their own conflicts about aging. Every question children ask about aging is important. Books help to address their questions. The kind of books I write and illustrate for children are non-violent and the characters of my stories resolve conflicts by talking. I focus on humorous mysteries and biographies about famous people who have improved the way we live. My mysteries usually involve animal characters because children identify with animals. In one series, the Miss Mallard Mysteries, which have also been made into animated films for children’s worldwide television programming, Miss Mallard, a ducktective (pun intended), travels around the world going after crooks intent on doing mischief. She explores everything. No word, no action, no clue escapes her. Since children are naturally curious and want to know about things and why people behave as they do, they identify with Miss Mallard. That is why the books are so popular. It is the same for the biographies I write and illustrate. They are about people children admire and they would like to emulate.

My books address moral issues, because children are moral. I was raised with moral principles taught by my grandmother on my mother’s side, which have carried over into my work. She lived with my father, mother, older brother, younger sister and me when I was growing up. My father’s patience with her, and my mother’s courage and determination to care for her when she became old and feeble, also had a tremendous influence on me for the good. I consider myself fortunate to have had that experience as a child.

My son, Piet (rhymes with “neat”) had a different experience with aging when he was a child. His experience was with our cat, Hansy, who was originally my cat from my bachelor days. Hansy was an orphan kitten I found on the front steps of a building where a friend lived. He kept me company in my storefront office/studio during the day. At night I took him home to my apartment in a carrying case. He never meowed. He only opened his mouth without making a sound when he wanted something, which was usually to ask to be let outside so he could round up some customers. I believe that is how I met Margie, my wife to be. She bent down to pet Hansy in front of my studio and he led her inside. Margie denies this and insists that we met through a mutual friend. Nevertheless, three years after Margie and I were married, Piet was born. Hansy became one of Piet’s important caretakers. Then, when Piet was nine years old, Hansy developed cancer of the jaw. He lost a lot of weight and he began to fade quickly. One afternoon he planted his back paws on the floor next to our dining table and put his front paws on the table while he stretched from the floor to the table revealing that he was a sliver of his former self. Then he turned his head and looked at me and meowed for the first time ever. “See,” I said tearfully, “Hansy is getting better!” “No Dad,” said Piet. “He is saying you must let him go.” And we did.

I mention this family story about my son and our cat because it shows how a child’s feelings and ideas about aging are important, too. In matters of aging, children’s feelings should be considered. By listening to what children’s thoughts and feelings are about aging, adults can get in touch with their own thoughts and feelings about aging. I am a firm believer that young people have the ability and right to change the world.

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