Reflections on Happiness from My Clinical Practice

The term happiness is difficult to define and even harder to understand because it means many different things to different people. In Happiness: A Very Short Introduction (Oxford University Press, 1913), Daniel Haybron reviews various attempts to understand it over the years. For example, does a smile on someone’s face reflect true inner happiness? A tribe in the Amazon, the Piraha, was considered an all-inclusive happy group since they never stopped smiling and laughing. However, they are poor, have a short life expectancy, and lose many children at childbirth. So is smiling a sign of happiness? When they were told about the suicide

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of the stepmother of a researcher who lived with the tribe for a number of years, they all broke into laughter. How are we to understand that reaction?

In his small volume, Haybron offers no deep understanding of this situation or most other aspects of happiness. He presents a number of life factors tied in with happiness, such as virtue, the experience of meaningfulness in one’s life, well-being, and self-fulfillment. Aristotle’s ideas on it are examined and his emphasis on virtue is rightfully seen as questionable.

Countries have also been rated for happiness as Haybron points out. For years, Denmark was listed as the happiest country. The rating was based on the measurements of security, outlook, autonomy, relationships and skilled meaningful activity (SOARS). However, a different recent rating system has Denmark in 110th place! Costa Rica, followed by Vietnam and Colombia, were the leaders. A third rating system had Switzerland on the top. The measurements were life satisfaction, good health, short work hours, disposable income, and life expectancy (pp. 4-5). All of the above standards sound good, but one must question this “scientific” approach. As Freud wisely stated, “Happiness is something essentially subjective.”

Frustrated by Haybron’s lack of psychological depth, I turned to what I have learned as a psychoanalyst. Some people laugh from true enjoyment. Others may laugh due to social standards. There are also the smiling depressives who disguise their misery from others and put on a happy face. Their parents may have attempted to laugh off anxiety-ridden life situations to protect their children, and this may well have been misunderstood. Laughing off a deep tragedy may be a necessary mechanism of defense, or it may be self-defeating. We sometimes call such people laughing idiots.

I have had patients with all of the above who still felt quite anxious, depressed, and pessimistic. Clearly, the external factors listed above do not necessarily lead to being a happy person. It is interesting to ask various people what makes them happy. The question itself usually brings a smile on their face. Responses have included dancing, cuddling in bed, dining out in Paris, being with

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family, having a good poop, listening to favorite music from years ago, traveling and seeing new things, waking up and praying to God, and even being high on drugs. Interestingly, most of these responses reflect a merging quality, suggesting that a comfortable regression to infancy, and even an aura of prenatal existence, leads to bliss. However, of course, these moments cannot be too extended, since we would then be seeing severe mental illness.

Another approach to exploring happiness is to ask someone what was their peak life experience. An example from a patient was remembering having just had sex with his wife, holding each other lovingly, their cat jumping on the bed and the three of them falling asleep. A peak experience, I have found, is usually an experience the quality of which is missing in one’s life. This man was so often yearning for closeness with his wife, then got divorced, and when he regularly got close to a woman, he would unconsciously destroy the closeness. So, as clinicians know, merging presents its own dangers, and the happiness of that type of closeness can lead to unconscious anxiety and its destruction.

Another patient’s peak experience was when he was on Vancouver Island and drove to the northern tip. He saw about 1,000 birds on the seashore facing the setting sun and wind, and he slowly walked toward them and finally was standing in the middle of the flock. They gradually calmed down and accepted him. It was almost as if he was one of them, and he stood there for at least an hour. Yes, this was merging again, this time with nature.

Clearly, we all can have happy moments regardless of our life situation, and yes, there are some people that are very often feeling happy. It can be a life goal, but paradoxically, being happy too often can be a warning sign. It may be a major denial of some painful reality or a manic state that is an inner fight against depression. It may be too good to be true.

In conclusion, a much more profound understanding of the complexities of happiness is offered by my clinical practice where I usually find it connected to a desire to merge with an early experience, than can be found in Haybron’s book, but his Happiness can be a useful starting point in probing this complex subject.

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